Reading: “Message In A Bottle” by XCVG (2015) - So Farscape!

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Reading: “Message In A Bottle” by XCVG (2015)

This week we're reading “Message In A Bottle” by XCVG, first published in 2015 at https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/message-in-a-bottle-stargate-farscape.22131/

Thanks to the Sufficient Velocity forum for recommending it!

We're on Twitter, Facebook, and SoFarscape.com. Our theme music is by Leigh Collier of Give Them L.

Send us your synopses, support us on Patreon or suggest a fanfic story for us to read!

https://sofarscape.com/episode/reading-4-12-message-in-a-bottle-by-xcvg-2015

Transcript
Kay:

Hello and welcome to

Kay:

Tales of the Tortured Tormented.

Kay:

tormented Territory.

Kay:

Thank you.

Khaki:

Actually, these are just sort of spacey wacy tales from across whatever

Khaki:

like dimension traveling gateway you happen to use, whether that's, you know,

Khaki:

Starburst or a Warhol, or a Stargate.

Khaki:

Stargate,

Kay:

yes.

Kay:

right?

Kay:

I mean, that's technically a wormhole

Khaki:

Kind of right.

Khaki:

Yeah.

Khaki:

With a, with a weird exception that it seems to have an interior, but so

Khaki:

do Farscape wormholes, so who knows?

Kay:

Yes, I think so.

Kay:

I mean, I mean, wormholes, I guess they have an interior.

Kay:

I mean, that's how they're always depicted.

Kay:

I mean, technically there's supposed to be a point, I think

Khaki:

a sphere because they, uh, they connect space time.

Kay:

Mm-hmm.

Khaki:

So in the way that, an opening in a sphere is a circular.

Kay:

opening.

Kay:

Yeah.

Khaki:

Right.

Khaki:

That allows you to get from one side of the surface to the other,

Kay:

Right.

Khaki:

a, and it's a circular aperture, so, an opening in

Khaki:

space time would be a sphere.

Kay:

Oh, what you mean?

Kay:

Yeah.

Kay:

Okay.

Kay:

Good point.

Khaki:

Anyway, I'm Khaki

Kay:

I'm Okay.

Khaki:

welcome to our podcast that we repeatedly forget that we are

Kay:

Well, I assume that, uh, you know, people are still listening

Kay:

to us at this point, know who we are and what we do, but still,

Khaki:

Oh, our friend our friend Greg from, uh, my former podcast,

Khaki:

uh, what's it called again?

Khaki:

Revel Air.

Khaki:

God.

Khaki:

I did it for years and years.

Khaki:

Sent me this handy chart of for how to.

Khaki:

Talk to podcasters now how to stop using anti podcaster languages.

Khaki:

So suggesting that instead of saying like, oh, hurry up and start the show

Khaki:

already, people should instead say The 20 minute cold open about your

Khaki:

personal Twitter drama was nice.

Kay:

Ooh, okay.

Khaki:

Right.

Khaki:

Or, uh, instead of another boring tangent who asked for this, you should

Khaki:

say, I find your hyper fixations.

Khaki:

It's so interesting because Kay, I do.

Kay:

Ooh, that's a bit, uh, getting.

Kay:

Well, well, do I have hyper fixations?

Kay:

I wouldn't say I'm not that adhd.

Kay:

I,

Khaki:

can anyone can have hyper fixations if they want.

Khaki:

True.

Khaki:

I

Kay:

I, no, I do get the odd one, but I'm not too bad with them.

Kay:

Anyway.

Kay:

Today we are reading a story called Message in a Bottle, and it's a

Kay:

Stargate fans Farscape crossover.

Khaki:

Yes.

Kay:

in line with our previous episode,

Khaki:

A Hunting I went to find Stargate Farscape fan fiction.

Khaki:

That was short enough for us to

Kay:

read.

Kay:

mm-hmm.

Khaki:

Mm-hmm.

Khaki:

. Accessible to someone who maybe hasn't seen all of Stargate.

Khaki:

Yes.

Khaki:

Me.

Khaki:

Uh, yeah.

Khaki:

And also to a Greater Grill, me as well.

Khaki:

And also PPG 13, I mean, yeah, there was, there was a lot of novels out there

Khaki:

and there was a lot, there was a lot.

Khaki:

Well, the kind of stuff that you used to see on passport

Khaki:

protected Tumblrs, but I found one.

Kay:

Yes.

Kay:

Well, there's a, the, the author has a little thing to say.

Kay:

I think the author's name is

Khaki:

X C V G, right?

Kay:

That's what I thought.

Kay:

So yes, you'd think there would be a good fast Cape Stargate cross by now.

Kay:

But all the ones I know of range from middling to abyssal.

Kay:

Hey, judgey.

Kay:

Against my better judgment, I figured I could do better.

Kay:

It's been a while since I've written anything Stargate, the whole.

Kay:

Pretty rough and I can't promise a decent update schedule, but

Kay:

all the worlds in, but sorry.

Kay:

But in the words of Peter Kyira, I decide to write anyway.

Kay:

There's a few things I should, uh, the timeframe and

Kay:

continuity on the Farscape side.

Kay:

It set somewhere in the middle of season four before Kansas and Terraferma.

Kay:

Okay.

Kay:

I haven't seen the comics, so very little of that backstory will be in

Kay:

it and some will be changed to make the Crosswork in Stargate, it said

Kay:

well after the end of the series.

Kay:

I haven't read the Atlanta's novels, but I'm hoping to incorporate

Kay:

the broad strokes of them.

Kay:

S gu going to more or less pretend it never happens.

Khaki:

Hey,

Khaki:

fuck

Kay:

So what happened to the 10 years in

Khaki:

That's like my favorite Stargate.

Kay:

Well, remember that wormholes go through space and time.

Khaki:

Oh,

Kay:

wow.

Kay:

This is like,

Khaki:

there's a whole Yeah.

Khaki:

Disclaimer about like knowing it's, it's iasa rather

Kay:

of naau, nasa.

Kay:

Yeah.

Kay:

Naau fits better.

Khaki:

an alternate universe or anything exotic like that.

Khaki:

and as with any crossover, I will reserve the right to red corner and

Khaki:

modify any of the deep background stuff.

Khaki:

Of course, this is every fanfic writer's privilege,

Kay:

right.

Khaki:

Uh, I think I can make it through fairly nicely.

Khaki:

There's one more thing I'd like to bring up, but it's kind of a spoiler for the

Khaki:

first chapter, so I'll explain it later.

Khaki:

Okay.

Khaki:

well as intros go, that's nice and, uh, sort of time you eye me.

Khaki:

Oh.

Khaki:

This has been posted on space battles.

Khaki:

I guess that's another forum for about a week.

Khaki:

I found it on a forum called Sufficient Velocity which I hope is a nice forum

Khaki:

and not, I just realize these days when you look things up on forums, you kind

Khaki:

of gotta check whether they're like a breeding ground for QAN on or Fair point.

Khaki:

Uh,

Kay:

although I can't really imagine that for a Fanfic forum,

Khaki:

Really?

Khaki:

Oh, what, uh, wouldn't, how nice it must be to be so innocent.

Khaki:

Still Okay.

Khaki:

Okay.

Khaki:

Okay.

Khaki:

Yeah, I was just checking with, there seems to be a bunch more chapters.

Khaki:

I haven't checked exactly how many, so they clearly have, uh, done some writing.

Khaki:

Have, X cvg, did I say that correctly?

Kay:

I think so.

Khaki:

All right.

Khaki:

So we are going to record chapter one.

Khaki:

Yes.

Khaki:

And let's see if that, uh, wets your Appetite at Home.

Kay:

one.

Kay:

We are very lost.

Khaki:

That seems like a Far Escape title.

Kay:

Mm-hmm.

Kay:

1999 to say, commander John Crichton was nervous, was a vast statement

Kay:

wedged into the cramped confines of the Fast Cape one module floating hundreds

Kay:

of miles above the surface of Earth.

Kay:

He couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen.

Khaki:

It was far from an unfounded fear space.

Khaki:

Travel was dangerous and what he was about to do even more so than normal.

Khaki:

Especially if you're just wearing a football helmet

Kay:

Yeah, yeah.

Kay:

And a Jool.

Kay:

And a jumpsuit rather than a

Khaki:

a

Kay:

pressure suit.

Kay:

But yeah.

Kay:

Okay.

Khaki:

Wow.

Khaki:

Crichton was testing a theory that he had developed with Douglas Knox.

Khaki:

Hey, a NASA scientist, a man's spacecraft could overcome

Khaki:

atmospheric drag and accelerate.

Khaki:

Quickly to incredible speed.

Khaki:

I think they misspelled unrecorded speed, but Okay.

Khaki:

His partner was his childhood friend, and Crichton himself was the son of

Khaki:

a well-known astronaut making the Farscape mission, a potential PR cool.

Khaki:

In addition to a scientific one

Kay:

Canaveral.

Kay:

This is

Kay:

Farscape line.

Kay:

I'm free.

Kay:

And flying beep Gretton Stone was jovial, but focus and professional.

Kay:

Are you with me there, mama Bear.

Khaki:

Oh.

Khaki:

Oh yeah.

Khaki:

Farscape, I'm reading you loud and.

Khaki:

Douglas Knox DK to his friends, replied from the, the ground station on Earth.

Khaki:

Hey, by the way.

Khaki:

Mm-hmm.

Khaki:

, Douglas Knox dk, that actor?

Khaki:

Yes.

Khaki:

You've seen him recently.

Khaki:

Did you recognize him?

Kay:

Mm, no.

Khaki:

Have you been watching The Last of Us?

Khaki:

Yes.

Khaki:

He was in that very, very good third episode.

Khaki:

He played Frank.

Khaki:

Hmm.

Kay:

Yeah.

Kay:

Okay.

Kay:

Yeah, he's he's aged a little bit.

Kay:

No.

Kay:

Yeah, I wouldn't, I mean, we only saw DK like once or twice.

Khaki:

You saw me again recently, didn't you?

Khaki:

In the, uh, testimonial.

Kay:

Yeah.

Kay:

So that's the twice times.

Kay:

Oh

Khaki:

Oh yeah.

Khaki:

Fair enough.

Kay:

Yeah.

Kay:

No, I didn't, I did not recognize him.

Kay:

Oh, okay.

Kay:

Um,

Khaki:

you'll see him again.

Khaki:

Yeah.

Kay:

Who knows.

Kay:

I mean, you do, but hang on.

Kay:

Where were you?

Kay:

Oh, go satisfied.

Kay:

As everything was properly prepared, Crichton reached on and flipped

Kay:

one of the many switches lining the inside of his module authorizing flat

Kay:

computer to initiate ignition sequence.

Kay:

Now,

Khaki:

Roger Farscape, you wear a goal for insertion p.

Khaki:

The statement actually confused.

Khaki:

Crichton, somewhat.

Khaki:

He'd assumed he'd already been cleared actually.

Khaki:

Yeah, that's a good point.

Kay:

controlled with millisecond precision by the sophisticated avionics.

Kay:

Inside the module.

Kay:

The engine's fired, pushing Crichton back into his seat at several times.

Kay:

The force of gravity approaching maximum velocity in 12 seconds, 18 seconds.

Kay:

Nearing critical altitude phase

Khaki:

several times.

Khaki:

The force of gravity.

Khaki:

Is that the correct way to say it actually, yes,

Kay:

It's

Kay:

not incorrect.

Kay:

I mean, at several G is what you usually say.

Khaki:

Yeah, that's actually totally valid

Kay:

with that.

Kay:

No

Khaki:

fire escape one.

Khaki:

Hold a moment.

Khaki:

That was about the last thing Kreton wanted to hear.

Khaki:

Nearing a critical phase of his flight, an abort would be

Khaki:

dangerous or even impossible.

Kay:

Halt Canaveral what?

Kay:

Reaching down again, Crichton flips another switch.

Kay:

This one labeled abort arm.

Kay:

He was now a button press away from aborting the maneuver yet still.

Khaki:

Meteorology reports some kind of electromagnetic wave.

Khaki:

Dk.

Khaki:

Told him the transmission was staticky and cut out several times.

Khaki:

Repeat some kind of wave.

Khaki:

John, did you read me

Kay:

Cretin could barely see out his windows by this point.

Kay:

His module covered in some kind of blue Corona.

Kay:

His quick mind guessed that this might have been something to do

Kay:

that this might have something to do with the transmission problems.

Kay:

His own transmission was nearly unintelligible.

Kay:

Yeah, I read yeah.

Kay:

Sorry,

Khaki:

I'm doing the music from this

Kay:

scene, Oh, okay.

Khaki:

I think it's also the background music from the uh, uh,

Khaki:

prepare for Starburst openings.

Kay:

Ah.

Khaki:

Yes, I think that track on the soundtrack is just called

Khaki:

Wormhole Exclamation mark.

Kay:

Okay.

Kay:

Fair

Khaki:

John aboard DK Earth from the ground.

Khaki:

He wants helplessly as the readings got stronger and telemetry

Khaki:

from the spacecraft cut out.

Kay:

completely.

Kay:

Canaveral

Kay:

cried and shouted.

Kay:

The transmission almost completely garbled.

Kay:

It was the last transmission from the fast Cape module in a bright blue flash

Kay:

of light, the module disappeared from view scientists would let theorize

Kay:

that this was in fact a wormhole.

Kay:

But all mission control knew at that time was their module had disappeared.

Khaki:

Cannavo Rorf, sorry.

Kay:

fast,

Khaki:

Game one was gone.

Khaki:

The experiment had failed and it had taken one of NASA's top astronauts.

Khaki:

Although bigger events could soon overshadow the failure of

Khaki:

the Farscape project, it would remain one of the darkest days in

Khaki:

the history of the space agency.

Kay:

Mm-hmm.

Kay:

Yeah.

Kay:

Oh, like, that kind of reminds me of the, uh, the footage of the Columbia disaster.

Kay:

Oh, God.

Kay:

It's when they're like, when, yeah, when the Capcom is just like,

Kay:

keeps calling out for Columbia.

Kay:

And they just, yeah, basically keep that up about until the time's like,

Kay:

well, they should have been on the ground a minute ago, so there's no

Kay:

chance that they're still up there.

Kay:

Uh,

Khaki:

Oh,

Kay:

lock the doors and secure your stations.

Kay:

Yikes.

Kay:

Because the, nobody's allowed out until everything is secured.

Kay:

And, uh,

Kay:

all the, all the.

Kay:

All the data is preserved for the, yeah, so chilling.

Kay:

Anyway,

Kay:

um, yes,

Khaki:

2013 flashing forward.

Kay:

It was relatively calm in Moya maintenance bay.

Kay:

There were no crates full of bugs or alien invaders, only a small

Kay:

place of alien technology that had very, that's had very lost.

Kay:

That had very lost Earth astronaut John Crichton.

Kay:

Very excited.

Kay:

Sorry.

Khaki:

Oh, English.

Khaki:

What, what, what even is word order?

Khaki:

So, sorry.

Khaki:

Of course this is a completely correct sentence.

Khaki:

Just have to parse it a bit, which given their record probably

Khaki:

meant that things would get significantly less calm any moment.

Khaki:

Many of the crew, hold on just mute that many of the crew had joked

Khaki:

that John was a trouble magnet.

Khaki:

Yeah.

Kay:

Uh, the device itself sat on the broken remnants of what passed for

Kay:

a packing crate in tormented space.

Kay:

Part of it was a base shaped like a very flattened egg with a

Kay:

diameter of a large serving platter.

Kay:

It's Americans again, they refused to use anything resembling

Kay:

normal ME measurements, although it appeared almost organic.

Kay:

The satin gray metal delight, its technological nature.

Kay:

A bundle of solid spindly tubes rose from its center to

Kay:

a sharply cut bluish crystal.

Khaki:

You really think that this can contact earth.

Khaki:

Former Peacekeeper Officer Aeryn Sun asked, eyeing the device skeptic.

Kay:

That's what he said it would do.

Kay:

Crais and told her he held a pair of smooth stones.

Kay:

One at each hand.

Kay:

Just take the stones and stick 'em into the machine.

Kay:

Simple.

Kay:

Oh, it's one of the, ah, communication stones.

Kay:

Right?

Khaki:

We know those from, uh, Stargate Universe where they played a significant

Khaki:

role, I think, sorry, I think some more Got swindled Rigel barked at them,

Kay:

P

Khaki:

passing in his hovering chair.

Khaki:

Wow.

Khaki:

I almost said he was pissing in his hovering chair.

Khaki:

That's not very kind.

Khaki:

That tra is probably laughing about it right now.

Kay:

The human and the Sebaceans ignored him.

Kay:

Did he say anything about how this works?

Khaki:

Nope.

Khaki:

Crichton replied, seeing the frown on his maybe girlfriend's face, he added, Hey,

Khaki:

you know more about this stuff than I do.

Khaki:

Probably lights up a hologram or something.

Khaki:

Aeryn raised

Kay:

an eyebrow.

Kay:

And what would it connect to at the other end?

Khaki:

The red phone in the president's office.

Khaki:

Crichton shrugged.

Khaki:

I don't know, and I don't think we will know until we try.

Khaki:

He handed her one of the stones,

Kay:

she handed it back.

Kay:

Oh, it's your machine.

Kay:

You put the stones in.

Khaki:

he pushed the stone back into hand, can't.

Khaki:

The cellar was very specific about that.

Khaki:

It's gotta be two different people putting both stones in at the same time.

Kay:

Why don't you get D'Argo to do it?

Khaki:

Because D'Argo is taking Chiana for a joy riot on Lola.

Khaki:

Crichton reminded her and I don't wanna wait until tomorrow for them to come back.

Kay:

Why not Rygel o Sikozu getting a glare in reply.

Kay:

She added taking point.

Khaki:

I think you mean point.

Khaki:

Taken.

Khaki:

Quite and corrected.

Kay:

She considered it for a Molan than not a Mm.

Kay:

That makes a lot more sense.

Kay:

Actually.

Khaki:

Crichton held up the stone.

Khaki:

So are we gonna do this or not?

Kay:

Let's finish this quickly.

Kay:

Aeryn agreed.

Kay:

Reluctantly,

Khaki:

Crichton Smirked then led her toward the device on three.

Khaki:

Put that stone into this slide.

Kay:

Got it.

Khaki:

1, 2, 3.

Kay:

The two stumbled, and initially it had appeared as if nothing happened

Kay:

except for a brief loss of coordination.

Kay:

However, the minds of John, Crichton, and Aaronson no longer inhabited their bodies.

Kay:

It's another body swap episode.

Khaki:

Colonel Cameron Michael experienced a brief moment of extreme and

Khaki:

difficult to describe this orientation.

Khaki:

One moment.

Khaki:

He was about to start a meeting about the future of SG one, the next.

Khaki:

He was somewhere completely different, completely alien.

Khaki:

An old sense of movement, gave the location away as some kind

Khaki:

of spaceship, and the place felt alive, but it didn't look rath.

Kay:

It briefly occurred to him that his job was so strange that he didn't

Kay:

even consider suddenly being on an alien spaceship that ought anymore just.

Khaki:

Annoying.

Khaki:

What the hell happened?

Khaki:

Looking around at the strange organic looking space.

Khaki:

His eyes soon fell on the device sitting beside them.

Khaki:

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

Kay:

Hmm?

Kay:

What happened?

Kay:

A very familiar woman asked

Khaki:

Svala.

Khaki:

Looking closely, he noticed a few differences between

Khaki:

the woman and his teammate,

Kay:

Okay.

Kay:

Right.

Khaki:

Still, they were slight to the point of the resemblance being creepy.

Khaki:

You're not Svala, are you?

Khaki:

Oh, shoot.

Khaki:

Listen, I'm

Kay:

Actually, I am Svala said Svala and Aeryn's body replied.

Kay:

She notes the device almost immediately.

Kay:

Oh, don't tell me.

Kay:

It's one of those things again.

Khaki:

Oh, dude, I've gotta challenge you.

Khaki:

You, you were the one who noticed how bubbly Svala was in in that episode.

Khaki:

Oh, gimme your Svala.

Kay:

Okay, hang on.

Kay:

Let's try that one

Khaki:

Okay.

Khaki:

So just imagine pigtails.

Khaki:

Yeah.

Khaki:

Right.

Khaki:

Actually,

Kay:

Actually, I am Svala and Erin's body replied.

Kay:

She notes the device almost immediately.

Kay:

Oh.

Kay:

Don't tell.

Kay:

Those things Again,

Khaki:

you are so good at this.

Khaki:

Yeah.

Khaki:

It's one of those ancient body swapping communication devices.

Khaki:

He.

Kay:

side,

Khaki:

Not how I imagine starting my day,

Kay:

your Colonel Mitchell Svala guest, she wondered if the device

Kay:

was having some effect on their appearance because the man in front of

Kay:

her looked exactly like her teammate.

Kay:

Ah,

Khaki:

yeah, I am.

Khaki:

He sped his arms and smiled thinly.

Khaki:

How do I look?

Kay:

Well, you look.

Kay:

You, she replied.

Kay:

Then she looks closer, different hair, slightly different complexion, and a

Kay:

Scarran that she knew he didn't have.

Kay:

Well, almost you look very similar, but like I can tell

Kay:

the body's not Colonel Mitchell.

Kay:

What about me?

Khaki:

A meaner looking version of you.

Khaki:

He answered either we ended up in the most similar looking people

Khaki:

to us in the entire universe.

Khaki:

No, this device is messing with our

Kay:

creton.

Kay:

Are you all right?

Kay:

A disembodied voice spoke cutting him off.

Kay:

Mitchell turned to the source of the voice.

Kay:

A hologram of a crustacean looking creature.

Kay:

detected a power surge in maintenance bay.

Khaki:

Mitchell stopped pausing in thought he muttered Crichton.

Khaki:

No way.

Kay:

What Svala asked equal parts.

Kay:

Confused and curious.

Kay:

Who's Crichton?

Kay:

You know, do you know where we we who he lived?

Kay:

Do you know who we were in

Khaki:

in John Cri.

Khaki:

My cousin looked a lot like me.

Khaki:

Mitchell replied darkly, except he died over 10 years ago.

Kay:

Oh,

Khaki:

Okay, that is cool.

Khaki:

And then there's a chapter two, I think there's Wow.

Khaki:

Chapter.

Khaki:

Wow.

Khaki:

Chapter two is way longer.

Khaki:

I think it, oh.

Khaki:

I dunno if there's more than that, but, oh, oh, oh.

Khaki:

I think that's for us to, uh, uh, enjoy on our own private little times.

Khaki:

For now, this was, uh, chapter one of Message in a bottle by X C V G.

Khaki:

That was really clever.

Kay:

It was very well done.

Kay:

I like how they, how they

Kay:

played

Kay:

with that That's, uh, yes.

Kay:

So,

Khaki:

thank you for joining

Kay:

us

Kay:

for another Tales of the Turn, Terra Tormented space.

Khaki:

That's the one I've almost tripped myself up there, and next week.

Khaki:

We are heading to Kansas, baby.

Kay:

Oh, Kansas.

Kay:

This is exciting,

Khaki:

See you then.

Khaki:

Bye-bye.

Khaki:

Bye bye.

:

She a woody.

Khaki:

come on.

Khaki:

I'll get it one

Kay:

day.

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So Farscape!
A fun-filled Farscape fancast in which a longtime fan introduces his bestie to the marvel that is Farscape, seen through fresh eyes and discussed with insight, wit, and love!

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About your host

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Khaki and Kay

Best friends for decades, Khaki and Kay are passionate nerds. Kay is a veteran of the Kerbal Space Program, while Khaki is a student of sci-fi TV obscura, and a keeper of the Deep Lore.